Here he is!

He's here!!!!!!!!!!

Parker Miles Lawrence

Born on March 10th, 2009 at 9:28 p.m.
7 pounds, 9.4 ounces
19 1/2 inches long

Kristi's Top Ten 3rd Trimester Fun Facts...

Okay, folks....yes, I know that I haven't posted since Christmas. Don't hate me. Blame the third trimester of pregnancy and my unborn son.

You know, I have done a "Top Ten" list for both the first and second trimesters. I think that it is only fair that I give the third trimester the same attention. Unfortunately, this is not going to be as bright and sun-shiney as the "Oh, look how much I love the second trimester" post.

Oh no, my friends.... The third trimester is a whole new ballgame. If I had nuggets, this trimester is kicking me hard in those nuggets.... That's right, the third trimester is kicking me square in the phantom girl nuggets....

I digress.... Let us begin.


Here are the TOP TEN "KRISTI'S 3RD TRIMESTER FUN FACTS" FOR YOU:

1. I miss my ankles. They were so cute...and petite....and you could see BONE in them. I've never had attractive feet, but they were cuter when they didn't look like five vienna sausages attached to an overfilled water bottle.

2. I miss pooping. I sure felt better when I could poop.

3. I'm starting to forget what it feels like to do things like cough, brush my teeth, or laugh without peeing my pants.

4. When I'm pregnant, my pee smells like Cheerios. Don't ask me.....

5. While we are on the topic of urine, let me discuss the wonderful urine sample that is given at the beginning of each and every prenatal appointment. As any woman who has ever has a child knows, you are required to go pee in a cup before your appointment begins. Okay...this is not a big deal during the first and second trimesters. But, my friends, let us imagine the urine procurement process of the final weeks of pregnancy. I can't see my own feet....let alone anything that rests just beneath my ridiculously large belly. Let me get this straight...you would like for me to take this comically small Dixie cup into this bathroom and somehow find the ability to blindly catch said urine into this cup. Uh......no. I have an idea. How about instead I come in weekly, urinate on my own hand, catch a couple of rogue drops into your stupid little paper shot glass, and hope that it is enough. That, nurse, I can do for you.

6. Here's a "Kristi Fun Fact" for you. I have a tilted cervix. This means, that in order for the doctor to check to see if I am dilated every week, he has to dig his hand in and curl it all the way back towards my spine to check me. Okay....that hurts. Now imagine that I am carrying this boy WAAAAAAAY up high compared to my daughter. Sooooooooo....the doc has to shove his arm in all of the way up to his elbow and THEN dig back. Okay.....that hurts even more. What cracks me up the most is when they say, "Okay, now you are going to feel a little bit of pressure here." You think? I already have a full sized baby in there smashing my organs up into my throat, and now you have all but crawled up in there to join him. Uh huh.....I feel the "pressure" that you are talking about, doc. It's called that big ol' tree trunk of a man arm you have there digging around in my already overpopulated womb. "Pressure".....puh-leeze....... Sometimes, I seriously wish that I could just break wind right there to force him to back on out of there and withdraw the arm of death....

7. I pop Zantac and Tums like they are Tic Tacs. For all of you out there who deal with heartburn all the time, I tip my hat to you. I don't know how you handle it. I have already slept one too many times sitting straight up against the headboard of our bed. It burns so bad that I have actually had dreams that I needed to get up and drink some water immediately because my fetus has somehow just caught on fire and I need to put him out. That is so not normal.

8. Okay...I have to be serious for a moment. I will honestly miss feeling the baby move and kick inside of me. It's kindof sad since this is probably our last. I'm sad to think that this could be the last time that I ever get to have that miraculous feeling that is solely between me and my unborn child. I LOVE it so much, and I'm not ready for that to end. Okay.....MAYBE when I have to dig a foot out of my ribcage or when he kicks my bladder and I piss myself for the fourth time that day....but other than that.....

9. He is head down now, so it's kindof funny that when he has hiccups, it feels like my butt has the hiccups. Imagine that sensation, will you? Feeling like your butt has the hiccups....

10. I'm still trying to figure out where this "nesting phase" is that everyone keeps talking about. According to most everyone, right before you deliver, you enter this "nesting phase" that makes you want to clean every square inch of your house, cook fifty bagillion meals, and scrub your tile grout with a toothbrush. Oh please. If I so much as walk to another room with an armful of laundry, I feel like I just ran the Boston marathon in cement shoes while holding my breath. No matter how much my mind WANTS to get all of these things done, my body angrily retorts, "Are you kidding me? You have attached the equivalent of a 40 pound exercise ball to your small frame, you're giving me hardly any sleep at night, the outside of this body aches like mad whenever you even try to stand up, the inside of this body feels like you set a torch to it, your kid is using my ribcage as a jungle gym and my bladder as a trampoline, and now I have anal hiccups. Step away from the vacuum, ma'am."

Merry Christmas!

Just thought I would give you all a bit of "Don'tcha just wanna squish those cheeks Christmas cheer!" Enjoy!


Merry Christmas, all!

Now that I'm in my 2nd trimester...

Since I previously made a list on what I missed during my first trimester, I figure that I should now update my status (a much more positive note!) and create a top ten list of what I am LOVING about being in the second trimester. Enjoy....


I LOVE....


1. Not being reminded daily of what my own vomit tastes like. It doesn't taste good.

2. Being at the stage where I look pregnant and not just "spongey", but I'm not at that point yet where people look at my swollen frame and think, "Oh, for the love of all that is holy, stick that woman with a pin or something."

3. Schwan's chocolate and peanut butter ice cream. You could fill the Grand Canyon with it, bury me at the bottom of that chocolatey abyss, and I would eat my way out in less than twelve minutes. Take that, David Copperfield.

4. Still having an petite ankle bone....and a visibly larger calf. They are still two separate entities....as God intended....

5. Feeling the baby moving and kicking around in there! That is SOOOOOOOOO my favorite part!!!! I'm at that point where I can feel the kicks, but I'm not at the stage where they make me piss myself.

6. Being able to eat an entire Bartolli's skillet pasta dinner--meant for two--all by myself and at WORLD RECORD pace....and not feel guilty about it at all. Yep....did it yesterday....AND followed it up with some Blue Bell vanilla ice cream. That's just sheer talent no matter what you say.

(Let me just explain right now...and I'm not even kidding....that I just took a break from my blog writing to eat ice cream--simply because I've said "Ice Cream" in my blog twice so far, and I can no longer deny the urge to indulge. I'm better now...)

5. Having energy to do.....well....anything.....

4. The crazy dreams that I have when I'm pregnant. They are so entertaining. I had a dream last night that I was hanging out with Anthony Hopkins, and we invented a cream that I could rub on my stomach that would allow you to temporarily see through your skin and into your womb to check on your baby. Anthony and I were sitting at the my neighborhood park, drinking an Orange Julius and waiting on our big appointment to become bazillionaires when I woke up. He was in the process of telling me that, because he was so rich already, and because I was his BFF, that I could have his half of the money, too. That was the point that Ava started coughing through the baby monitor, and I woke up. Boo.....I was so close to getting that pool in the back yard....

3. At what other stage in your life can you say, "Honey, I think I actually was able to snarf down an extra 500 calories today" and get the response, "Way to go, babe. Good job!"???

2. My boobs are glorious.

1. I can blame any unpleasant flatulence on my unborn child and totally get away with it. It's not my fault that the kid broke my farter. Got issues with it? Talk to the fetus.

And the gender is.....

IT'S A BOY!!!!


That's right, my friends....that is a penis! Ava is getting a little brother, and we are having a son!

What cracks me up by this picture is how obviously proud of his goodies this boy is. He appears to be literally holding his feet up by his head just to make sure that we can all get an up close and personal look at how much of a boy he is. He is soooooooooo Eric's son.

And no....we haven't figured out a name yet. I have my favorites....Eric has his...... Eric is all about the hyper-masculine names. I swear, he would name his son Thor Ironballs Lawrence if he could.

Not happening.....

I'll keep you updated.

You have GOT to be kidding me....

Okay folks.....Here was my week up until today....just so that you can get a mindframe of the week we are having BEFORE today's incident (to be explained....be patient):

1. Ava gets sick while we are out camping. One snotty toddler.....check.

2. Eric comes home sick from work and is sick in bed for the next two days. One sick husband...check check....

3. I get cocky about how great my prenatal vitamins are. I brag about how wonderful they are to make me escape any sort of sickness--just in time to end up getting TKO'ed with a sore throat and way too much pain in my left ear. One wife and mother shoving her foot in her mouth and eating crow.....check check....oh shut up.....

4. Two days ago, our main kitchen sick decided that it wasn't going to drain anymore. Awesome.

5. Yesterday, our coffee maker decided that it was going to stop working completely. If you know my husband or me AT ALL, you would be gasping aloud right now because you know that not having coffee in the morning is like taking a crack pipe away from a meth addict. Headaches ensue.....there is shaking and twitching.....not pretty.....

Okay....that was our week leading up to this morning. Got it?

Eric was back at work today, so I got up, got Ava up, fed her breakfast, all the normal stuff. It's 8:30 in the morning when Ava finished eating, so I walked over to her booster chair to pull her out. As I pull off the attachable tray, it decides to come off so fast that my arms shoot backwards. My right elbow smacks my glass of water behind me on the kitchen island and causes it to fall crashing to the tile floor below in a million shards of glass.

As any mother would, I immediately grab my daughter's legs and feet (Luckily, she was still in her booster seat because I hadn't undone her belt yet) and start searching for any cuts or bleeding. None......good......

Suddenly, I think, Hmmmm, something feels weird.

Sure enough, I glance down at my right foot to see a big piece of the glass sticking out from the back of my foot. Like where my Achilles tendon is....yeah, there.....

I try to figure out a way to crumple down to the ground without falling into yet more glass, and I pull the glass out of my foot. That was Kristi's first bad idea of the day.

Immediately, my foot starts having blood running out of it at a pace that made me, the owner of said foot, a bit uncomfortable....

Well, it's not pumping out of my foot, so I must not have hit the artery. That's good, I thought. Gotta stay positive, right?

It was about that time when I starting trying to figure out exactly how, when I couldn't place my gushing foot down on the floor, I was going to get my daughter out of her chair, get both of us out of our pajamas and into clothes, get both of us into and car and to a doctor without problems.

I wasn't. Period.

So, what do I do? That's right, I'll call Lorraine, my super-sonic-helper-extraordinaire neighbor (See my past blog entry from when Ava threw nail polish on my kitchen floor--she's the same woman who saved us then) who proceeded to grab her son and run over to my house. This woman should have a cape and some sort of super hero theme song playing in the background at all times. She runs in, grabs me, helps me to the couch, wraps my foot up in a towel, runs over and sweeps up the glass, takes Ava out of her seat, changes her clothes and diaper, and is helping us into her van in less than 15 minutes. Get this woman a trophy, seriously.

While I was waiting on her to change Ava, I called my doctor only to find out that they couldn't get me in until 11:15.

"Would you like me to put you down for that time?" The nurse asked.

It's 8:30 in the morning....I won't have any blood left in my body by then....

"Uh....yeah. That would be great."

Lorraine says, "I'm going to take you to my friend, Christine's house. She is a nurse."

Of course she is. All superheroes have that cool sidekick who can heal. I should have known.

When we get there, Christine cleans up my foot and sticks some sterile tape on it to keep it closed until my doctor's appointment.

After leaving Christine's, Lorraine takes me back to her house to enjoy a cup of coffee (remember, my coffee maker is broken) before the appointment. It's official....this woman is a saint--a van driving, diaper changing, glass sweeping, coffee wielding gift from above.

Finally, 11:15 arrives, and I make it to the doctor's office. In order for him to figure out what to do, he had to open the wound back up with his fingers to see how deep it was. Uh huh.....that hurt BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. Just to let you know.

"We don't do stitches here, so I'm going to have to try to glue this closed, okay?"

"Okay." I responded. This was Kristi's second bad idea of the day.

Have you ever imagined what it feels like to have a gaping wound pried open and super glue poured into it? Well, it feels like.......Hmmmmmm......Oh yeah, HAVING A GAPING WOUND PRIED OPEN AND POURING SUPER GLUE INTO IT.

He then put the sterile strips over wound and said, "Now, try to stay off of it for atleast 48 hours to help your chances of not tearing the wound back open. If you do, your only choice is to go to urgent care and get stitches.

This is where I giggle like a school girl and gently remind the dear doctor that I have a two year old. Stay off my feet for 48 hours.....yeah.....I'll get right on that.

Anyway, I'm home now, and I'm trying to keep my foot up as much as possible. I have a sore throat, an ear ache, and a glued-shut wound on my foot. I'm blowing my nose every five minutes, peeing every ten (remember, I'm still pregnant during this joyous occasion), and walking like I have a tree trunk for a leg. I'm a hot mess.

And for whatever reason....as if on cue.....Ava is crapping her pants almost every hour--way more than normal today. I think she is getting a kick out of watching me try to get up, pick her up, step over the child gate to her room and get her changed without stepping on my right foot. I nurse her for the whole first year of her life, and this is the thanks I get.

Well....that's my day. I thought I'd write about it since I sure as heck can't get up and do anything else. Grrrrrrrrrrr.........

(Okay....while I was here writing this blog, Lorraine the Super Neighbor walked over to my house just to make sure that I was okay. Get that woman a Klondike bar.....)

Uh oh....

Okay.....so here was my pregnant belly at 20 weeks during my first pregnancy with Ava.... Got that....20 WEEKS....

And here is my belly at 13 weeks with my current pregnancy. That's right....13 weeks....almost TWO FULL MONTHS earlier than the last picture from my last pregnancy....



Yeah....that can't be good.

I may or may not fit through doorways by the end of this pregnancy.

I have this eerie feeling that I may end up rivaling that bratty girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who turned into a giant blueberry. In case you never watched that movie, let me help you out a bit:

Yeah.....that may be me....minus the blue.....

And if ONE MORE PERSON asks me if I'm "sure that there is only one in there"......